Meet Joe Black might be the best movie I've ever seen. First time I saw it was about 6 years ago, before I went to the States. I remember sleeping very late, watched it in my Mom's room. I remember giving the DVD to Pia because I didn't want to watch it again. I thought it was great, but I didn't mind not watching it again.
The second time I watched it was December 2007, right before I started working for my former company. I remember watching it and thinking about two men: one was a friend, the other one was a boyfriend.
In between 2007 and 2010, I bought the DVD again. Each time I watched it there was a feeling of longing, enlightenment and passion. I never really listened to the lessons, I was just thinking about how my relationship with someone could be characterized by Anthony Hopkin's definition of love:
"Love is passion, obsession.."
It took me 6 long years, but I now know what the ultimate lesson is:
"Be open.. you never know when lightning strikes."
That's your message, Lord, isn't it? :-)
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Denouement
So this is the end. I have started packing my things to leave what I had called home in two years. I am coming back to my Mom's home while I start over, and I have nothing to do or say anymore for the moment.
I do have so many things on my mind: that God is preparing something great for me yet, and that there is no question about the perfection of His plan. Now and then doubt and misgivings come up but I also do know that with His help I can survive it all.
I am excited. A bit scared, but more excited than apprehensive. God has a way of making things right at all times. He always comes through for me. He will come through for me today. :-)
I do have so many things on my mind: that God is preparing something great for me yet, and that there is no question about the perfection of His plan. Now and then doubt and misgivings come up but I also do know that with His help I can survive it all.
I am excited. A bit scared, but more excited than apprehensive. God has a way of making things right at all times. He always comes through for me. He will come through for me today. :-)
Friday, April 16, 2010
Complete
I have loved and lost, as many times as I allowed myself to be. There were very good memories that made up for the few bad ones. I still love someone, and I know I will love him for the rest of my life. He has let me down at times, but I know I can't write him off just yet. I am pretty sure that with God's help he will still surprise me with what he will become.
In the meantime, I am complete even if I have lost before. I have the best lover of all.
God.
In the meantime, I am complete even if I have lost before. I have the best lover of all.
God.
Packing before Leaving
Today, April 17th, started like the day before. I was at a lost what to do with the day, and it was a struggle to pray for the right things. Struggling though I was, I got up and waited for God to tell me what to do.
He told me to go packing.
***
In barely 3 weeks, I will be leaving the place that I called home for about two years. God is very good such that I was able to finally let go and let Him decide in the matter of my living quarters. I love it when He finally takes control that I have no will of my own. Not because I have no strength anymore to think for myself. I know it is mainly because I have realized what on earth I am here for: His purpose.
He wants me to come back home and make my Mom's house come to life again. Coming to life like it was when Mom was alive. I loved our house so much that I would find myself sitting on the terrace, looking at the garden that Mom so painstakingly worked on. Now several years later, there still is a part of my Mom left even when the resplendence of our yard went when she died. God wants me to at least try doing it again.
We'll see what's going to happen. I have packed most of the things I need home with me. There are plenty that are still left hanging in the closet, and stashed away in the cabinets, but little by little, I'm getting ready to leave.
God, I offer this day to You, and all the rest of my life. Blessed be Your name above all.
He told me to go packing.
***
In barely 3 weeks, I will be leaving the place that I called home for about two years. God is very good such that I was able to finally let go and let Him decide in the matter of my living quarters. I love it when He finally takes control that I have no will of my own. Not because I have no strength anymore to think for myself. I know it is mainly because I have realized what on earth I am here for: His purpose.
He wants me to come back home and make my Mom's house come to life again. Coming to life like it was when Mom was alive. I loved our house so much that I would find myself sitting on the terrace, looking at the garden that Mom so painstakingly worked on. Now several years later, there still is a part of my Mom left even when the resplendence of our yard went when she died. God wants me to at least try doing it again.
We'll see what's going to happen. I have packed most of the things I need home with me. There are plenty that are still left hanging in the closet, and stashed away in the cabinets, but little by little, I'm getting ready to leave.
God, I offer this day to You, and all the rest of my life. Blessed be Your name above all.
Friday of the Cross
For lack of a better alliteration, I call today "Friday of the Cross." It started with a difficult time waking up, automatically thinking about God and how I He was my first "call" of the day. This morning's conversation was mainly about how things were becoming difficult but I wrote down what I needed to do. As always, today was committed for the realization of His will.
I gave Him today, which started with the fundamentals, mainly having breakfast, drinking plenty of water, and doing my assignments. I watched the video sent by the company by the late Randy Pausch called "The Last Lecture," and my life was never the same again.
Randy taught me one important thing: seeing things through. He taught me one great truth: God is now talking to me like He did to millions, or billions of believers.
Thank you God for talking to me today, and everyday for the rest of my life.
I gave Him today, which started with the fundamentals, mainly having breakfast, drinking plenty of water, and doing my assignments. I watched the video sent by the company by the late Randy Pausch called "The Last Lecture," and my life was never the same again.
Randy taught me one important thing: seeing things through. He taught me one great truth: God is now talking to me like He did to millions, or billions of believers.
Thank you God for talking to me today, and everyday for the rest of my life.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Express Answer
Today I woke up with God in mind, barely remembering the dream I had while I was sleeping. While in between sleep and awakening I remember talking to God to make this the best day yet.
It was, and I am beginning to think that God is making each day of my life much better than the last. After the daily Mass reading and reflection, I asked God to give me word about the job that He wanted me to have. I asked God that if it was His will, He would tell me today.
He did. I received email from a really nice company where two of my friends' husbands are working. Prior to that, God gave me a chance to make a difference in a friend's life-- the one that is struggling with a legal case. I also got to talk with my college friend who has been such a blessing to me so far.
God, I hope to become the Express Answer to my sister's petition. Please Lord, give me the chance to help her. I love her and I hope to make her life become better. Blessed be your name, Lord, I know you will answer our prayers tomorrow.
I love you Lord.
It was, and I am beginning to think that God is making each day of my life much better than the last. After the daily Mass reading and reflection, I asked God to give me word about the job that He wanted me to have. I asked God that if it was His will, He would tell me today.
He did. I received email from a really nice company where two of my friends' husbands are working. Prior to that, God gave me a chance to make a difference in a friend's life-- the one that is struggling with a legal case. I also got to talk with my college friend who has been such a blessing to me so far.
God, I hope to become the Express Answer to my sister's petition. Please Lord, give me the chance to help her. I love her and I hope to make her life become better. Blessed be your name, Lord, I know you will answer our prayers tomorrow.
I love you Lord.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Gold Nuggets
Yesterday, April 14th, was a day like no other. It started like one off a day in the life of a typical mother. I woke up at six, said my morning prayers, then prepared breakfast for a friend who slept over the night before. While waiting for the food to be cooked, I continued praying for guidance and for God to use me in every way possible. All the while, I kept to mind the following verse from the Joel Osteen Facebook page:
“…In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world" (John 16:33, NIV)
After breakfast, I stayed home to wait for the appointed time that I would leave according to plan. With the characteristic calmness that anyone who trusts in Him, I waited patiently. I never realized until the first plan of the day changed that God intended to give me a practical "exam" on how I would "take heart" as I told myself I would.
The changed plans, needless to say, caused struggles. The first item on the day's agenda was moved 2 hours from original schedule; a few hours later, I was informed that the benefit I would receive was reduced 50% of what I expected. Second item was good, but the third one was complicated by the fact that I had to spend some money before I could complete the task. On my way to the third errand, I received a message from a friend who needed money.
Mentally computing what was in my wallet, I was going to be left with nothing. Without any doubt at all I said yes to the friend in need, prepared to give up what was left. I completed my last errand and prayed at the Adoration Chapel for the Holy Eucharist in EDSA Shrine, Ortigas. Recharged with a few moments with God, I went home.
***
Today as I reflected on yesterday's events, God asked me to sacrifice in a number of ways: cooking for my friend, reduction of a benefit, shelling out money for our non-profit organization (considering that I had very little money left), and the final sacrifice of all: to give the last money I had for a friend in need.
Even when I couldn't understand, I said yes to God. It was both a relief and a struggle to know that I could say yes knowing that He has always provided for me, and always will. I was not without fear though and I think it is a given specially when someone is at rock-bottom like me. Yet God guided me such that I found solace and comfort from friends and strangers. Friends whom I talk to, and strangers who write about God's goodness and positivity.
***
My friend didn't come to get the money from me. I guess this is my first hand, modern-day allusion to what happened with Abraham and his son, Isaac. God asked Abraham to offer Isaac to God as a sacrifice and even if he didn't understand why, he gave God an affirmative answer. In return, God told Abraham that He was pleased with him, and then provided the sacrifice from out of the bushes.
God said essentially the same thing to me. Now I have money for cab fare when I go to the doctor later. I am waiting for God to give me word about the blessing, as He did for our father Abraham. Although without any illusion that God would give me what I need in a snap of a finger, I am not without hope and expectation that God would give me His best blessings yet.
***
Yesterday was filled with challenges as well as gold nuggets. Friends, a job well done, and a grateful spirit.
I am already blessed. I don't have money now, true, but I do have Him. He has provided for me so far in my direst of needs and I know He will continue to do so. I know there will always be struggles but I also know that God will give me strength to conquer all these obstacles.
We have a Living God that provides Living Water, when I am weak I just need to summon His Name and He will send forth the Holy Spirit on His behalf.
Blessed be the name of the Lord!
“…In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world" (John 16:33, NIV)
After breakfast, I stayed home to wait for the appointed time that I would leave according to plan. With the characteristic calmness that anyone who trusts in Him, I waited patiently. I never realized until the first plan of the day changed that God intended to give me a practical "exam" on how I would "take heart" as I told myself I would.
The changed plans, needless to say, caused struggles. The first item on the day's agenda was moved 2 hours from original schedule; a few hours later, I was informed that the benefit I would receive was reduced 50% of what I expected. Second item was good, but the third one was complicated by the fact that I had to spend some money before I could complete the task. On my way to the third errand, I received a message from a friend who needed money.
Mentally computing what was in my wallet, I was going to be left with nothing. Without any doubt at all I said yes to the friend in need, prepared to give up what was left. I completed my last errand and prayed at the Adoration Chapel for the Holy Eucharist in EDSA Shrine, Ortigas. Recharged with a few moments with God, I went home.
***
Today as I reflected on yesterday's events, God asked me to sacrifice in a number of ways: cooking for my friend, reduction of a benefit, shelling out money for our non-profit organization (considering that I had very little money left), and the final sacrifice of all: to give the last money I had for a friend in need.
Even when I couldn't understand, I said yes to God. It was both a relief and a struggle to know that I could say yes knowing that He has always provided for me, and always will. I was not without fear though and I think it is a given specially when someone is at rock-bottom like me. Yet God guided me such that I found solace and comfort from friends and strangers. Friends whom I talk to, and strangers who write about God's goodness and positivity.
***
My friend didn't come to get the money from me. I guess this is my first hand, modern-day allusion to what happened with Abraham and his son, Isaac. God asked Abraham to offer Isaac to God as a sacrifice and even if he didn't understand why, he gave God an affirmative answer. In return, God told Abraham that He was pleased with him, and then provided the sacrifice from out of the bushes.
God said essentially the same thing to me. Now I have money for cab fare when I go to the doctor later. I am waiting for God to give me word about the blessing, as He did for our father Abraham. Although without any illusion that God would give me what I need in a snap of a finger, I am not without hope and expectation that God would give me His best blessings yet.
***
Yesterday was filled with challenges as well as gold nuggets. Friends, a job well done, and a grateful spirit.
I am already blessed. I don't have money now, true, but I do have Him. He has provided for me so far in my direst of needs and I know He will continue to do so. I know there will always be struggles but I also know that God will give me strength to conquer all these obstacles.
We have a Living God that provides Living Water, when I am weak I just need to summon His Name and He will send forth the Holy Spirit on His behalf.
Blessed be the name of the Lord!
Monday, April 12, 2010
Here Comes The Rain
The rain is about to come. It is morning, and the sky is overcast with clouds that look heavy with rain. Just last night I was writing about the Oratio Imperata for El Nino, and how our prayers are being answered by God in his chosen time.
The rain is about to come. It is up to us to count it as a blessing in itself, and to believe that the rain will fall from those clouds. Once again, the miracle of the rain comes not as a surprise for those who love Him. It is just something that we already know will come-- in God's chosen time.
The rain is about to come. It is up to us to count it as a blessing in itself, and to believe that the rain will fall from those clouds. Once again, the miracle of the rain comes not as a surprise for those who love Him. It is just something that we already know will come-- in God's chosen time.
Heat
It is summer and the heat outside is unbearable. The relentless blaze of the sun is wreaking havoc over the Philippines. Crops wilt and die, water is getting scarce, and the power crisis is a rainless black cloud hovering over the upcoming presidential election in the Philippines.
The farmers need the rain for their crops. Rain is needed to fill up the dams for water supply, and for power generation. People need the rain to stave off the summer heat that causes illnesses. The Philippines need the rain like we need the air to breath.
The Catholic Church and its brethren started praying Oratio Imperata every single mass months ago:
God our loving Father, creator of our earth and of the universe, and all the wondrous elements of nature that sustain your living creatures, we humbly ask you to send us the rain that our country needs so badly at this time, to irrigate our fields, to stave off a power shortage, to provide water for our bodily health, and to refresh our parched lands.
At you command the wind and the seas obey, raise your hand Almighty God to send us so that crisis may be averted. Merciful and generous God, open our eyes to the richness and beauty of your creation and instill in us a deep love for this earth and all that is in and around it. Teach us to be wise stewards of your creation so that we may always use them responsibly and protect them from abuse and exploitation.
At this time of crisis, dear lord, move us to share more and to love more. Loving God, Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, you entrusted the Filipino people to the special care of Mary our Mother, listen to the prayers that we bring up to her, our Blessed Mother, to intercede for us, for the protection of our land and our people, whom she loves.
Grant this through our Lord Jesus Christ who lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit, One God forever and ever. Amen. Our Lady of Guadalupe, pray for us. Saint Rose of Lima, pray for us. Saint Lorenzo Ruiz, pray for us.
During the past months while we're praying the novena each celebration of the Holy Mass, I can remember only three instances when it rained. Each time it did, I felt the joy well up from my heart, and hope sprung for everyone whose faith never fails as they utter each line of the novena.
Three times it rained for months since we started praying the Oratio. There are millions of Filipino Catholics who utter the words to the Oratio several times each day, but rainfall came only three days out of 60-odd days during the vigil. Does this mean that we need to pray harder? That the prayer of several million Catholics are not enough?
The Catholic community still prays for the elusive rain. We never stop even when it seems like God is taking His sweet time commanding the winds and the seas to bring us the answer to our prayer. What a wonderful display of faith, even when the times are hard and people are getting discouraged.
This unwavering faith teaches one lesson that is closer to home for me. I have been praying for quite some time now for God to bless me with specific intentions. Sometimes I wonder if He is listening, if I need to pray harder, offer more sacrifices. Sometimes I wonder if I should stop. Yet each time I reach the point of giving up, God pours out His grace, strength and Spirit. I get up when I stumble, and when I falter, He puts me back on track.
Our God may take time to answer our prayers, but I know that the journey towards the realization of our dreams must be taken with trust and joy. God will soon lead us to the answers. God will bring the rain.
He always does.
The farmers need the rain for their crops. Rain is needed to fill up the dams for water supply, and for power generation. People need the rain to stave off the summer heat that causes illnesses. The Philippines need the rain like we need the air to breath.
The Catholic Church and its brethren started praying Oratio Imperata every single mass months ago:
God our loving Father, creator of our earth and of the universe, and all the wondrous elements of nature that sustain your living creatures, we humbly ask you to send us the rain that our country needs so badly at this time, to irrigate our fields, to stave off a power shortage, to provide water for our bodily health, and to refresh our parched lands.
At you command the wind and the seas obey, raise your hand Almighty God to send us so that crisis may be averted. Merciful and generous God, open our eyes to the richness and beauty of your creation and instill in us a deep love for this earth and all that is in and around it. Teach us to be wise stewards of your creation so that we may always use them responsibly and protect them from abuse and exploitation.
At this time of crisis, dear lord, move us to share more and to love more. Loving God, Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, you entrusted the Filipino people to the special care of Mary our Mother, listen to the prayers that we bring up to her, our Blessed Mother, to intercede for us, for the protection of our land and our people, whom she loves.
Grant this through our Lord Jesus Christ who lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit, One God forever and ever. Amen. Our Lady of Guadalupe, pray for us. Saint Rose of Lima, pray for us. Saint Lorenzo Ruiz, pray for us.
During the past months while we're praying the novena each celebration of the Holy Mass, I can remember only three instances when it rained. Each time it did, I felt the joy well up from my heart, and hope sprung for everyone whose faith never fails as they utter each line of the novena.
Three times it rained for months since we started praying the Oratio. There are millions of Filipino Catholics who utter the words to the Oratio several times each day, but rainfall came only three days out of 60-odd days during the vigil. Does this mean that we need to pray harder? That the prayer of several million Catholics are not enough?
The Catholic community still prays for the elusive rain. We never stop even when it seems like God is taking His sweet time commanding the winds and the seas to bring us the answer to our prayer. What a wonderful display of faith, even when the times are hard and people are getting discouraged.
This unwavering faith teaches one lesson that is closer to home for me. I have been praying for quite some time now for God to bless me with specific intentions. Sometimes I wonder if He is listening, if I need to pray harder, offer more sacrifices. Sometimes I wonder if I should stop. Yet each time I reach the point of giving up, God pours out His grace, strength and Spirit. I get up when I stumble, and when I falter, He puts me back on track.
Our God may take time to answer our prayers, but I know that the journey towards the realization of our dreams must be taken with trust and joy. God will soon lead us to the answers. God will bring the rain.
He always does.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Trust Vs. Presumption
Act of Contrition:
O my God,
I am heartily sorry for
having offended Thee,
and I detest all my sins,
because I dread the loss of heaven,
and the pains of hell;
but most of all because
they offend Thee, my God,
Who are all good and
deserving of all my love.
I firmly resolve,
with the help of Thy grace,
to confess my sins,
to do penance,
and to amend my life.
Amen.
Trust versus Presumption of God's mercy are two different things according to the presiding priest on the Divine Mercy mass. Presuming God will pour out His grace on us even when we sin might lead us to destruction. Trusting God to never leave us wanting of His mercy means we are confident to walk away from sins even when life on earth proves to be difficult.
The promise that there is something beyond life here on earth gives much hope to everyone who undergoes hardships while following the Christian life. If I were asked a year ago what I would do without a job, I wouldn't have been able to give an answer. Instead, I would have been terrified.
Fast forward to today, I have no job and now looking for one that doesn't compromise my faith is proving to be very hard. I have no money of my own and I only survive through the grace of God by way of the people around me. I have survived two months on God's mercy. It has been the toughest two months in my life so far and I'm pressing forward through the strength that God has given me.
Hence the Act of Contrition. Now that I know that God's mercy poured out on me again by confession and communion with the Holy Eucharist on Divine Mercy Sunday, my sins are forgiven, I was made pure again. My soul is well, and now I continue my struggle to tread the narrow, righteous path that God is asking me to follow.
I submit myself to the Lord's will and know that whatever happens, my soul is secure. What's left for me to do is to walk in faith and in the hope of the promise He made to everyone who believes in him: Eternal life.
Blessed be the name of the Lord!
O my God,
I am heartily sorry for
having offended Thee,
and I detest all my sins,
because I dread the loss of heaven,
and the pains of hell;
but most of all because
they offend Thee, my God,
Who are all good and
deserving of all my love.
I firmly resolve,
with the help of Thy grace,
to confess my sins,
to do penance,
and to amend my life.
Amen.
Trust versus Presumption of God's mercy are two different things according to the presiding priest on the Divine Mercy mass. Presuming God will pour out His grace on us even when we sin might lead us to destruction. Trusting God to never leave us wanting of His mercy means we are confident to walk away from sins even when life on earth proves to be difficult.
The promise that there is something beyond life here on earth gives much hope to everyone who undergoes hardships while following the Christian life. If I were asked a year ago what I would do without a job, I wouldn't have been able to give an answer. Instead, I would have been terrified.
Fast forward to today, I have no job and now looking for one that doesn't compromise my faith is proving to be very hard. I have no money of my own and I only survive through the grace of God by way of the people around me. I have survived two months on God's mercy. It has been the toughest two months in my life so far and I'm pressing forward through the strength that God has given me.
Hence the Act of Contrition. Now that I know that God's mercy poured out on me again by confession and communion with the Holy Eucharist on Divine Mercy Sunday, my sins are forgiven, I was made pure again. My soul is well, and now I continue my struggle to tread the narrow, righteous path that God is asking me to follow.
I submit myself to the Lord's will and know that whatever happens, my soul is secure. What's left for me to do is to walk in faith and in the hope of the promise He made to everyone who believes in him: Eternal life.
Blessed be the name of the Lord!
Friday, April 9, 2010
God Fights My Battles
I believe in You and Your power God, such that I did everything that You asked me to do. I followed Your will for me each passing day. Believed in the greater power that is You. Each time there was a nagging feeling that even if I wanted to believe that it was Your answer to that specific prayer, something was not right.
I continued to believe in the good of that person. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. I know that God is using him to make me realize something, and it happened. The person is a fraud. God protected me from him, and I am forever thankful because my heart remained pure. May God rebuke him.
Blessed be the name of the Lord!
I continued to believe in the good of that person. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. I know that God is using him to make me realize something, and it happened. The person is a fraud. God protected me from him, and I am forever thankful because my heart remained pure. May God rebuke him.
Blessed be the name of the Lord!
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